I'm a mum, a university administrator, an Irish musician and a sometime writer (fanfiction for The Sentinel and original fantasy fiction) - not neccessarily in that order! This is my personal journal in which I wax lyrical about life, the universe and everything, including the occasional meta-post and rant about fandom (which I mostly lurk on the fringes of these days). I keep most stuff under friends lock, but I make the odd public post too.

All stories in this journal (with a small number of exceptions which are linked from challenge communities) are now locked to friends only. Final edited versions of most stories can instead be found at my fic journal: fluterbev_fic.

My Friending Policy:
You are welcome to friend me as long as you don't mind if I don't automatically friend you back. If I've added you, it's probably because we've 'met' elsewhere and/or because you've got some interesting stuff to say; I don't expect you to add me back if you don't want to. If you want to unfriend me, feel free to do so with no hard feelings.

All visitors to this journal (whether on my friends list or not) are welcome to drop me a line in any post (although anon comments are screened so, if you don't have a LJ yourself, please sign your comment if you want it to be unscreened). I'm often very slow at answering comments because I spend most of my time these days working, playing music and being a mum. Please don't be offended if I don't always respond in a timely manner (or at all).

The Night Terrors: Part the Third stands at 45,937 words, whilst the whole thing is 144,768 words. It is really rocking along now, with the big finale in sight. Then it's just time for the twist in the tail... mwahahahahaha!

Decimated: No word count as I haven't put my bits and Gilly's bits together yet (oo er, missis!) but just to say that the baton is currently with Gilly and she's writing up a storm. We've got a big push on right now to get it finished, and we're making good progress.

Breathing: Haven't worked on this for a while. It is currently shelved until the new year, as TNT and Decimated are my priority.

Other projects: I have a missing scene to write, and perhaps one or two other bits to finish off if the mood takes me.

After that I am absolutely going to write that novel I have been promising myself for the past 45 years that I would write. Oh dear, I seem to have made procrastination my life's work!

Due to circumstances unforeseen I didn't quite make my target at the weekend. However I am glad to say that there has been progress nevertheless, and as of today my totals are as follows:

Part the Third: 44,514 words

The whole story: 143,345 words

It is rocketing on towards the finish, or it would be if I had any time to spare! It's looking like Part the Third will be the longest part by a good margin (probably between 60 - 70k). I am extremely optimistic about it being done by the end of December :-)

I'm in the middle of inventing an ad hoc recipe, so I will document it here in real time for the curious (and also for posterity in case it turns out to actually taste good *g*). In effect, this is a recipe WIP! Or perhaps that makes it a RIP... nope, that just looks wrong!

ETA1: I put the casserole in the oven at 5.40 pm, and turned the heat down at 6.10. It is now 6.25 pm and it smells wonderful! I am resisting the urge to take the lid off and look at it for another half-an-hour at least.

ETA2: 8.00 pm: Had a stir and a taste - just lovely! Was lacking nothing more than a bit of extra sage at that point, so I shredded and added the rest. If dried sage was used initially there would be no need to add more, I think. Fresh herbs, though, need not to cook too long, hence the late, extra addition. I am guessing this will be ready to eat by 9.00, with no further adjustment, and have got some lovely fresh bread to serve with it (which I just need to pop in the oven to warm up about ten minutes before I am ready to eat)

Final ETA: 9.00 pm it was ready to eat. OMG, it was just gorgeous. I served it with warmed, locally made Italian blue cheese & dill bread, which was spread with kalamata olive tapenade.

In short, this recipe is highly recommended :-)

( Recipe under here )

Channel: CBS Action

Vow of Silence \o/

I'm starting out the weekend with the following word counts for The Night Terrors:

Part the Third: 42,127

Whole story: 140,979

I am aiming to reach at least 45,000 words on the final part by Sunday. Optimistically I'd like to get it a lot higher than that by then - 50k would be lovely! - but I've got a few other things planned between now and then so we'll see how it goes.

I'll not be able to post tomorrow (I will be otherwise occupied for the entire day and evening) but I wanted to mark the sixth anniversary of my first ever posted fanfic, so I'll do it today instead. It is rather apropos, in any case, as 27th November 2003 was actually Thanksgiving :-). My first story was I Can Be You Oo Oo, which I posted on the Sentinel Angst list whilst suffering copious angst of my own at having bared my arse aired my fantasies in public!

My anniversary is slightly more poignant for me this year as I am definitely in the winding-down phase of participation in the Sentinel fandom. It's a been a great few years, though, so thanks to everyone who's made it such fun!

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends. I hope you have a lovely time today :-)

My burst of inspiration continues. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story, but what a relief it will be to get it done!

Part the Third current total: 41,290

Whole story current total: 140,121

Another 15 - 20k to go, I think, but I am very much on the home straight. After it's finished there will be an extended period of proof reading and editing, but I am hopeful that this will be ready to post within a month.

Current word count of Part the Third: 39,181.

Current word count of entire story: 138,205.

I am aiming to reach at least 40,000 words in Part the Third by the end of tonight. And I am cautiously optimistic that the story will be finished and posted before Christmas \o/

I'm having a quick burst of inspiration! I've done some work on Part 3 of The Night Terrors over the weekend, as well as a bit today during my lunch break and since I arrived home, which takes my current word count up to 36,115 (an increase of around 3000 words). There's probably about another 20 - 25K to go.

The entire trilogy currently stands at 134,455 words.

It's good to be back on track, although given my current commitments I can't promise it will stay that way. The spirit is willing, though! :-)

OMG awesome.

That is all.

::dumbstruck::

So, who (apart from me and mine) is going to be glued to the telly at 7.00, then?

:-)

I've been busy this weekend. I don't know when I'll get another chance, so I made the most of it!

Decimated: 2008 words

The Night Terrors: 904 words

Breathing: thorough edit throughout, plus about 400 new words added of combined story/notes

It feels good to be a little closer to completion on all of these :-)

Now I need to get on with preparing food and finishing all my jobs around the house, because at 7.00 on the dot my family and I will totally make like the Simpsons and land simultanously together on the couch. Waters of Mars time approaches! Woo hoo! I am so excited \o/

Of the good: The Sentinel is on Zone Thriller right now!

Of the bad: My reception of this channel is utter pants.

I thought I should post to say where we're up to with Decimated, the story I am writing with gillyp,for those of you who bid on it for Moonridge.

Despite our busy lives (and for both of us life has been hellishly busy of late, with no let-up in sight for the foreseeable future), Decimated is ongoing and is shaping up well. It's a very twisty-turny plot, which means we've spent a lot of time so far putting our story plan together, and the story itself currently stands at 17,000+ words. It's hard to say how long the finished product will be, but I anticipate it will be over 50k at the very least. As regards when it will be finished... well all I can say that we're doing our best to get it done even though it's very hard to fit writing into our lives at present. So I am asking for patience, and understanding, and in return we'll do our best to deliver when the time is right.

Routine for sentinel_thurs.

Beware, this is a sequel to Fathers' Day, and therefore a rather evil little ditty. Read at your own peril, and may the angst be with you!

::is all cheered up and shit:: :-D

I just posted a short little story to sentinel_thurs, my first in that community for a very long time. I warn you, it is most definitely not a barrel of laughs!

Father's Day

Writing angst makes me happy. What can I say, I'm twisted :-)

Huge congrats to everyone on my flist who have been nominated for the LMFAs. Honestly, given the amount of fabulous stories and writers in this fandom (both past and present), just getting that far is a huge honour. Many someones found you/your story enjoyable and memorable enough to get you on the ballot. This, my friends, is a wonderful thing, and well deserved in every case. I am so pleased for and proud of all of you!

Surfing around friends/friends, I see that there are a considerable number of names I am unfamiliar with who have also received nominations and gosh, I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. I love to see new blood in the fandom like whoa. Gimme gimme new fics to read! I can't wait to see the final ballot go up so I can get stuck in! \o/.

Thank you also to all the kind people who nominated me, but most of all thank you to the tireless committee who by and large have a pretty thankless task when it comes to creating the great buzz in the fandom which comes with these awards. Each and every one of you, dear committee, have my vote every time in the Classy Broads category. May you continue to be made of win each and every year :-)

Alice just posted this on Facebook:

DESSART, Helen Frances(née Elliott)
1950-2009
After a short and courageous battle with cancer, on August 25th, 2009.
Beloved wife and best friend of Jacques Dessart. Loving mother of James (Sophie), Alice (Andrew) and adoring grandmother of Benjamin. Beloved sister to George (Linda) and Judy. An adored aunt to Elizabeth (Petri), Katie, Matthew and Michel. She will be sadly missed by so many other family members and friends.
The family will receive condolences at:
Urgel Bourgie funeral complex
8145 chemin de Chambly, St-Hubert
(autoroute 30, exit 115)
Wednesday from 2-5 & 7-9 pm. A funeral service will be held at Richelieu Valley United Church, 221 Cedar street, Beloeil, on Thursday, August 27th 2009 at 11 am.
In lieu of flowers, donations to Honoré Mercier Hospital, Oncology department, would be greatly appreciated.

ETA: There's a link to the Honoré Mercier donation page here. There's a phone number and an e-mail address at the bottom of the page.

Thank you for finding it, lamardeuse ♥ xx

I just found out, via her daughter Alice on Facebook, that our own lovely Helen betagoddess lost her battle with cancer this morning. She's gone.

I'm so sad I don't even know what to say :-(

I am working on The Night Terrors today. The best part is that I have, for a while, been unsatisfied with a particular plot point in part 3, which was failing to make logical sense and had therefore brought me screeching to a halt until I sorted it out. I have finally, after a lot of thought, managed to re-jig it and make it work. Eureka! Which means I am now free to move on and write some new sections.

Part 3 current word count: 31,499

Let's see how much more I can get done today!

ETA: 33,851.

Well it's not a huge amount, as daily word counts go, but I have to say it is very significant as I am now very much on track to get it finished. Still quite a way to go, but I am absolutely certain of exactly how it's going to get there. I'm envisaging maybe another 20 - 25,000 words. I'll try to keep it up during the week now I've found some room for it in my headspace :-)

Maybe everyone knew about this eons ago, and this is therefore old news, but it certainly passed me by. I'm posting it here for the sake of those of you (like me) who've never heard of it.

I was surfing Garett's IMdB profile and found mention of a five minute short film he was in in 2005 called Off the Hook. By dint of some creative googling I managed to find it on YouTube - squee!

( Embedded vid under the cut )

Richard Hammond has been involved in another crash.

Apparently he was not harmed, thank goodness.

This bit of the report tickled the slasher in me, though:

An eyewitness told the Mail on Sunday: "Richard was at the back of the line and he received no damage to his rear end but the front was in a pretty bad way.

Oh dear... ::hides face in shame::

My older son and I experimented with cooking last night, and the result was very yummy indeed. Recipe here for posterity:

( Lamb leg steaks with lemon, honey, thyme and garlic gravy )

I have been madly surfing around YouTube tonight, mainly looking for Mike Oldfield stuff. I found this, and now I am offically dead. Two of my BIGGEST EVER fannish loves collide!

I just wrote a long rant and deleted it, because it would serve no useful purpose other than allowing me to vent whilst upsetting some of you in the process. But OMG, fandom! So, so wanky. Wanky like a great big wanky thing. Plz to be wanking far away from me, thank you very much, and in the meantime I will endeavor not to draw the wank to myself by unwisely inviting it in posts like the one I just deleted.

::sensibly declares wank-free zone::

Let's change the subject. How about you tell me something nice? What have you all been up to this weekend? Myself, I am having cozy family time with my kids. Off out later to mooch around town with friends and drink loads of coffee (which I need desperately because my coffee grinder is broken - argh! - and which is possibly one reason I am a little ranty *g*). What about all of you? Hope you're having a good one ♥.

I thought those of my friends who visited me last year during GMOH, and who came with me on a day trip to Morecambe to visit Eric Morecambe's statue (and yes, we sang Give me Sunshine whilst we were there *g*), might be interested in this:

Art deco buildings opposite Eric Morecambe's statue get £1 million for facelift

Decimated: This is the story I'm writing for Moonridge 2009 along with Panik aka gillyp. It's rocking on apace, up to 14,000 words and we're on a massive roll at the moment. I've just handed back the baton to Gilly after a good weekend of writing/plotting. Feeling really good about how it's all coming together.

The Night Terrors: I did a small bit of actual writing, and a lot of thinking/planning the structure of the last section. I hope to try to keep the momentum going this week and move it on to the big finish. Part 3 is up over 35,000 words as it stands.

Breathing: Nothing much done on this, but I will probably write a bit more when I get a minute. It's my guilty pleasure fic, purely for recreation, so I'm not pushing it at all. It'll get written when I feel like it, and finished if and when I ever get there.

Other stuff: My original novel, an outstanding missing scene for Moonridge 2008 plus other bits and bobs I have lying around in notebooks which I need to type up and finish off before they get lost forever in the murky depths of my house - no progress, I'm afraid. Not enough hours in the day!

I've got seven Dreamwidth invite codes to give away to whoever wants them, on my flist or off. If you don't need one yourself but you know someone who does, please point them over here.

If you'd like one, just drop me a line in this post, telling me your email address. First come first served.

I'm popping out for a while now, so will send them out in the evening, my time :-)

In this edition, I get to grips with that oft-discussed hoary old chestnut, self-promotion.

( The answers are here... )

I just realised that I inadvertently posted a chapter of a work in progress here publically, when I meant to post it friends locked like all the other parts.

I'm really sorry, I've locked it down now. It's not meant for public consumption at all.

Sorry!

More in this series, which charts my journey of fannish self-discovery. I think I'm beginning to get a handle on online disagreements at last...

( True believers, come this way... )

If you watch Robin Hood, but haven't seen the last episode and don't want to be spoiled, then you might want to give this a miss. Unfortunately, on one of the lists I am on we were given zero chance!

( World's worst spoiler warning after the cut )

My kids are in the front room, hysterical with laughter whilst watching this spoof Bob the Builder video on YouTube, in which certain innocuous words are bleeped out to make them sound rude.

Some lyrics, for those of you not inclined to follow the link:

Bob the ****er,
Can he f*** it?
Bob the ****er,
Yes he can!

Pilchard and Bird,
Travis and Spud,
****ing together,
Like good friends should

As for poor Muck - or should I say *uck - oh dear.

::sighs in a long suffering way::

I just wanted to make a quick post to say hi to the new people who've friended me lately. I work ridiculous hours, and spend the rest of the time being a (very stressed) single mum, procrastinating my way out of doing other stuff I should be doing by making endless meta posts and writing fic. This means I am crap at getting round to answering comments, although I plan to try and fit that in this weekend when my kids are away with their dad, sometime in-between sleep and more sleep. Your patience is much appreciated!

In the meantime, please do pop in and say hello if you're new and/or you've never commented here before :-)

OMG!

Lucy got me Ade Edmondson's autograph last weekend at Dent Festival!

Adrian Bloody Edmondson!

::squee x a million::

... I hugely appreciate all the comments on my last post, and I have massive admiration for those of you who've gone through similar stuff and who have felt brave enough to talk about it ::hugs you tight::.

I meant to get back and answer comments yesterday, but I have to admit that laying it all bare like that wasn't all that easy - it's not the first time I've talked about it here in my LJ, but it brought back a few graphic memories and I needed to get a bit of space from it in the aftermath. I spent most of yesterday with ceriwytch instead, whilst our combined kids ran like wee madmen in and out of the house. We both hovered around LJ a good bit of the time, sharing various links and talking about the wider epic warnings fail whilst drinking home-made cinnamon cappucinos, but mostly we did some nice womanly bonding. I do have the very nicest friends in the world (and right here I'm most definitely looking at many of you too ♥).

Today it was back to work for me, the start of yet another frantically busy week, and now I'm cooking and doing the usual homely evening stuff with the kids. But I just wanted everyone who has commented to know that as soon as I find the physical space and the headspace (maybe not this evening, but certainly at some point over the next day or two) I'll go back and answer all your comments.

In other news, whoa it is hot here. We wilting English flowers are not used to it at all! I was hoping for a bit of thundery cumulonimbus action to cool it down but lo, the clouds have dispersed yet again and the sun is back.

See, it's true. We moan about the weather over here all the time. We're never satisfied!

I’ve been following the warnings debate avidly, and I’ve learned such a lot by listening to people who have survived sexual abuse expressing themselves so bravely and eloquently Warning before you click: very explicit discussion of sexual assault and the nature, anatomy, cause and effect of triggers. Is itself triggery. It’s had the result of making me totally change my former stance on warnings. I have usually generally included them, but it was always with a flippant this-shouldn’t-be-necessary-we’re-all-grown-ups-here attitude. Now, however, I get it, and I plan to modify my behaviour from now on (as well as retrospectively place/improve warnings on my fics accordingly). Squicks are a completely different thing from triggers; warnings for haircuts and warnings for rape are totally apples and oranges, and we’re all about the citrus here which some people are deathly allergic to. Let’s please, for the love of god, help them to avoid it.

Not much I can add to it all, except express my intense unhappiness at watching rape survivors stand up bravely and eloquently make their case, and have people coming into their very personal and painful posts to tell them they are making it all up/are privileged/are whining and should just get off the internet until they are better. When people predictably react to that insensitivity, the argument becomes all about the tone of the debate, with those who made those insensitive faux pas in the first place playing the persecution card. It’s all depressingly familiar, as fandom arguments go, but seriously, fandom. WTF. My own eloquence has failed me on this one.

And so, to my own personal tale of woe. Reading endless posts about sexual abuse combined with people being belittled and not believed have inevitably brought my own story to the forefront of my mind, and made me re-examine my own tendency to play down what happened to me and pretend it never happened, because I went for a long time assuming that the rest of the world would see it that way too. And here we get a cut, and a trigger warning, for lo this is not something you should read if there’s a chance it might hurt you. There, see that wasn’t hard; I have made available a tool whereby people with triggers can protect themselves, and my artistic integrity didn’t suffer one bit.

( Warning: triggery account of child sexual abuse )

So why am I saying all of this? I think my silence for so many years was borne out of the fact that I feared my experience would be belittled and that I would not be believed (and in part I was right), and I think seeing that very thing happen to people in this debate has brought back that same sense of angry helplessness. Yes, it appears that, although I can write and read dark fic with the best of them, I do have a trigger after all. And that’s maybe why, there-but-for-the-grace-of-god and all that, I feel empathy for those who have been desperately hurt yet have bravely stood up to try to educate fandom in general about triggers, and why I plan to try my hardest to give them tools to avoid being triggered by my stories in the future.


ETA Writing this post brought back a lot of stuff I haven't thought about in years, so I've needed to go away and get some distance from both it and the wider discussion in the aftermath. I do very much appreciate all the comments people have made in this post, and hope you will understand why I'm not in a position to respond just yet. I hope to do so just as soon as I can.

I'm scooting out to work now, but I just wanted to link to a post I found fascinating first. It's in relation to the recent warnings/triggering discussions all over LJ (and possibly I will write more on that anon; suffice it to say that, as I frequently write dark subject matter myself, I have reflected a lot on my own shoddy application of warnings and have very much resolved to Do Better), but I can see that it definitely has wider application too, especially in relation to certain discussions in my own fandom of late.

The post contains a list of common attempts to derail discussion. This one in particular caught my eye, because it is oh so very familiar:

Telling me that I am doing something hurtful and somewhat thoughtless is the equivalent of telling me that I am a despicable person. Let’s talk about how you’ve slandered me instead of how I’ve hurt you.

Yes, that.

Pursuant to requests received in this post, here's the code (amended to get rid of the errant bolding for those of you who already have it) ::clap of thunder and booming voice:: for The Rules of Fandom.

<table border="1"> <tr> <th>What happens...</th> <th>When you/your friends do it, it is...</th> <th>When other people do it, it is...</th> </tr> <tr> <td>1. Post a critique of a piece of fiction:</td> <td>Perfectly legitimate commentary on something you read.</td> <td>Bullying and persecution.</td> </tr> <tr> <td>2. Make disparaging personal remarks about a writer:</td> <td>Totally fine. The writer deserves it because <strike>you don’t like her</strike> she hasn’t earned politeness or respect. </td> <td>Bullying and persecution.</td> </tr> <tr> <td>3. The writer responds negatively:</td> <td>Standing up for yourself. You are bravely fighting back against unjust criticism, and exercising your right to free speech.</td> <td>Pathetic, attention-seeking behaviour. They are whining and should grow a thick skin. Furthermore, it is an attempt to suppress free speech.</td> </tr> <tr> <td>4. The writer's friends respond negatively:</td> <td>Admirable. They are loyal and true and standing up for their friend.</td> <td>A mass attack. They are a bullying cabal who are banding together to persecute you.</td> </tr> <tr> <td>5. Totally unconnected observers respond negatively:</td> <td>Impartial validation of your position. They are clearly sensible, intelligent individuals who came to a fair conclusion totally on their own.</td> <td>Dogpiling. They have been brainwashed by propaganda and/or are secretly in cahoots with the bullying cabal. Either way, it’s more persecution.</td> </tr> </table>

Feel free to snaffle and spread the lurve! ♥

Put the flags out, set off fireworks! I think, after years of flailing in the face of fannish weirdoes weirdness, I'm finally beginning to get the hang of it.

So now, without further ado, I present to you the Rules of Fandom. I have a feeling there may be more posts in this vein to come, hence the fact this one is entitled 'Part 1'.

( The answers you've all been seeking for lo, these many years, can be found under here... )

ETA: If you'd like the code for this, you can find it here.

I love waking up on the Sunday morning immediately after Moonridge, to find that the first photos and reports have started to appear. I'm going to put a few links here so I can browse at my leisure and marvel throughout the day at the adorableness that is Garett ♥

( Linky McLinks )

Thank you so much to everyone who went, and who is willing to share the lurve with the rest of us!

So! It's Sentinel Day at Moonridge, and alyburns has announced the final figure Sentinel fans have raised via the online auction. It's an incredible $15,139. Yay! Huge gratitude and massive congratulations to Aly and her team, who run this thing year on year, come rain or shine, doing a fabulous job in the process. Good on ya, gals, and well done TS fandom! ♥

I've not had a chance until now to tally up the bids for Decimated, which is the collaborative story gillyp and I offered up for the auction. I think I've got this right (Gilly, you are more on top of this than I, so please do correct me if I'm wrong) in that it seems that 32 fabulous people have donated to get a copy of Decimated. This means that between us we have raised the incredible amount of ::gasp::

$640 for Moonridge!

I am gobsmacked and filled with gratitude. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who supported the zoo by bidding on our story. We're working diligently on it, and are hoping to have it done by the end of summer at the latest. I can promise you that we'll do the very best job on it that we can ♥

Now all that remains is to sit back and enjoy the reports and pictures coming out of Big Bear as the day progresses. Hope everyone there, including Garett, has a fabulous time!

I've only just watched the first 15 minutes or so, and OMG! So far it's ( Spoiler )

gillyp, AKA Panik and myself, have been having fun playing story ping-pong today with our collaboration for Moonridge. In case you missed the earlier announcements, here are some details:

Decimated, a 10th Anniversary slash story

It’s ten years since the events of TSbyBS. Blair is far from Cascade, living an apparently normal life. In reality, he lives in the shadows, afraid to be seen, obsessed with security, terrified of strangers; in constant fear that ‘someone’ is out to get him. He hasn’t seen Jim for almost ten years – but Jim has issues of his own.

It's item GMS#15-SF, and can be found at the Special Items/Claim Items section of the main auction website Details of how to bid on it can be found over there.

Anyone who makes a $20 donation to Moonridge in respect of this story will get sent a copy, which will remain exclusive to them for a period of 30 days or longer. The final date to bid on Special Claim items, including this, is June 18th, with a final deadline for paypal payments to Moonridge on June 19th, so there is still time if anyone else wants a copy.

Although we both have busy lives, and have to struggle a bit at present to fit writing in, we're making good headway with this story, mainly because we have a very clear shared vision and equal amounts of enthusiasm! At the latest we expect it will be ready to send out by the Autumn, but it may be finished earlier than that, all being well. No idea at present as to final word-count, but as we are both rather fond of writing epics it will not be a short story.

::watches episode 3, reads fic::

I never, ever thought I'd get hooked on another fandom, ever. Ever, ever, ever. Least of all one which has so many potentially irritating premises vis a vis legends/history (I mean, come on. That castle? Nothing like that was ever built in Britain, let alone during the Dark Ages).

Yet still I am forced to eat this delicious hat.

::shamelessly puts on episode 4::

::watches episode 1 for the first time::

::wibbles::

There's H/C been written for this fandom, right? Right?