I'm a mum, a university administrator, an Irish musician and a sometime writer (fanfiction for The Sentinel and original fantasy fiction) - not neccessarily in that order! This is my personal journal in which I wax lyrical about life, the universe and everything, including the occasional meta-post and rant about fandom (which I mostly lurk on the fringes of these days). I keep most stuff under friends lock, but I make the odd public post too.

All stories in this journal (with a small number of exceptions which are linked from challenge communities) are now locked to friends only. Final edited versions of most stories can instead be found at my fic journal: fluterbev_fic.

My Friending Policy:
You are welcome to friend me as long as you don't mind if I don't automatically friend you back. If I've added you, it's probably because we've 'met' elsewhere and/or because you've got some interesting stuff to say; I don't expect you to add me back if you don't want to. If you want to unfriend me, feel free to do so with no hard feelings.

All visitors to this journal (whether on my friends list or not) are welcome to drop me a line in any post (although anon comments are screened so, if you don't have a LJ yourself, please sign your comment if you want it to be unscreened). I'm often very slow at answering comments because I spend most of my time these days working, playing music and being a mum. Please don't be offended if I don't always respond in a timely manner (or at all).

This is what we had for Sunday dinner today. I have been experimenting with roast lamb recipes since Christmas, and at last I think I've got it exactly right :-)

( Garlic Roast Lamb )

ETA: OMG people, where the hell are you all coming from?

Okay I know this thing literally tells me where you're coming from, but not why.

::feels ever so slightly nervous::

Brought to you by me being unexpectedly home with a sick child - I can only take so much sick-bowl management before I have to write meta! The following is nothing more than a random bit of thought, and not indicative of anything in particular.

I have such an odd relationship with writing and posting fic. I write for one reason and for one reason only - because I have all these weird ideas in my head, inspired by my own peculiar hang-ups and neuroses (of which there are many), and I need to get them out. It’s like letting steam out of a pressure cooker – I’m trying to keep my mental landscape healthy and prevent it from going boom. It’s a self-help regime I’ve indulged in and benefited from since childhood.

The one thing I have never been about is any pretense that I am writing Great Literature. I do get pleasure, however, out of the construction of prose, hence the fact that I generally am methodical in my attempts to get it technically right. But I do that because it is fun, not because I feel any obligation or sacred duty to do so (and hells bells, some people take that crap so bloody seriously). I simply enjoy the mechanics of writing as a distinct pleasure in itself.

The fanfiction world is such a judgmental one, though, full of axes to grind and issues to grandstand, and as time goes on I’m becoming less and less confident about where my fantasies fit in the wider sphere. I am certainly nervous, especially given the stuff I am dabbling with lately in the privacy of my own hard drive, about continuing to put my fictionalised inner life out into the public gaze. I doubt that many of my stories would stand up to scrutiny in the wider context of recent meta discussions and, even putting those discussions to one side, there’s always someone else waiting gleefully to pounce with their accusations of crapness and nefarious motives. It’s a minefield out there, especially when you’re emphatically not aiming for the dizzy heights of internet success, and just want to participate for your own slightly odd personal reasons.

I’m still writing the same old stuff, however, no matter what. It seems, despite my good intentions, that I can’t actually stop after all. Poor Blair continues to be the recipient of all my middle-aged angst, like the pretty, doe-eyed whipping boy that he is. Oh dear. I suspect that what I really need is therapy, but I like my madness too much!

I'm belatedly pimping this, which was made available early this week courtesy of the fabulous laurie_ky.

There is a podfic available of my Sentinel slash story Conforming to Requirements.

The podfic was produced for Moonridge 2009. It is very long - around nine hours, I think - and I know that Laurie put an incredible amount of work and many hours of her own time into making it. I've listened to excerpts, and I think she's done a really good job. There are two versions - one with music (played by yours truly), and one without (if you prefer your podfics straight up).

Laurie's post, with download links, is here.

Thank you so much to Laurie for all her hard work ♥

So. I'm giving up fic writing, as soon as I finish my current WIPs, right? Said all I want to say about Jim and Blair. No time to do it any more. That's it, finito. Bye.

So why did I get a huge and fully formed plot bunny attacking me a short while ago as I walked down from work to get the kids? A huge, stonking great sentinels-and-guides-are-known drama, complete with a beginning, middle and end, plus practically audible dialogue?

Bugger.

::laments total lack of peace and quiet or time::



ETA: Darling Friends List, you are all no help!

♥

Further thoughts re: the closing of the LMFAs:

Having been around the TS fandom since 2002 (I was a lurker for quite a while before I ever posted fic), I've seen things come and go before, and everything carried on afterwards. I've watched (and participated in) the migration from lists to LiveJournal, and saw many a post back then proclaiming that to be the Death of Fandom. I've seen similar sentiments expressed about the advent of Dreamwidth, yet things have carried on.

The Burton Awards for gen fic were around before the LMFAs. They ended; the fandom didn't. The fandom existed before the LMFAs, and it will exist after it. If the will and the enthusiasm and the drive exists, and people want it badly enough, someone¹ will come along and set up some new awards, because the awards don't drive the fandom - the fandom drives the awards.

Yes, we're fewer in number now, but as long as people keep creating and the new blood continues to come in, we're nowhere near extinct yet :-)


1. _{Needless to say, this will not be me *G*}

First up, a quick disclaimer: whilst I am friends with a number of people on the LMFA committee, none of them have shared with me what prompted their decision to bring the awards to a close. This is simply my own, personal reaction to the end of an era. It's also something I've wanted to say for a while, but haven't felt able to until now.

When I saw the announcements this morning that the LMFAs are no more, I felt a mixed bag of emotions. Chief amongst them was enormous gratitude towards the people who have put so much work into it over the years, who have run it wonderfully and with great professionalism, sometimes in the face of criticism. Hats off to them for doing it so well and for so long. The LMFAs have created a fabulous buzz year after year, and the legacy of the awards is a website which will hopefully remain as a fandom resource for as long as there is a TS fandom.

As a writer, I’ve been incredibly fortunate over the years in regard to the LMFAs. People have been kind enough to nominate me and my stories over and over, and vote for them as well. I’m really, sincerely touched and awed by that - thank you so much to anyone who has ever done so. It really has meant a lot to me, and I’m really grateful that you did.

I have to admit, though, I also felt an overwhelming sense of relief when I heard that the LMFAs had drawn to a close. Why might that be, you may wonder, when I’ve been one of the conspicuously lucky ones?

( Well, this kind of thing is why: )

I am very appreciative of everything the fantastic committee have done to keep the awards running, and I’ve hugely enjoyed nominating and reading and voting each year – I’ve discovered some wonderful writers and stories through the LMFAs. And like I said, I am touched enormously by the fact that people have used the awards as a way to show me they have enjoyed my stories.

But for the reasons I have outlined above, I am not sorry to see it go at all.

One of my Facebook friends just posted this, and since then it's been on the 6.00 news on the BBC.

This is what we look like from space:



The caption on the BBC website says: The winter whiteout conditions affecting the UK are clearly visible in this striking image received by the University of Dundee Satellite Receiving Station. It shows almost all of the country covered in a white blanket of snow and ice. Photo by NEODAAS/University of Dundee.

Original link here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/08/uk_enl_1262875012/html/1.stm

I used to work at the University of Dundee, so this pleases me even more :-)

ETA: Amazing bigger version, courtesy of admiralandrea:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/8447023.stm

It's not writer's block, per se, as I am totally on top of my current stories-in-progress in terms of story plans etc and, for someone on the verge of giving it all up, have oodles of additional ideas to boot. It's just time, and headspace, and peace and quiet. I got plenty of those over Christmas, but had the flu, so was simply not up to it. At present I am in the midst of unexpected downtime because of the weather, but with a house full of (bored, stir-crazy) kids, as well as the usual domestic stuff to take care of, it's not an option.

Argh! It's so frustrating. Blair, get out of my head, I don't have time for you right now! Go get beaten up by someone else. Grrr!

Your result for The Fan Fiction Personality Test...

The Mindgamer

Everything is possible, nothing is ever really over.

Take The Fan Fiction Personality Test at OkCupid

Ha ha. I nicked this off gillyp, and got the same result. What a surprise!

So! I am currently stranded mid-journey (oh that pesky British rail network), so have not yet had occasion to post my reaction to the last Doctor Who episode. But I will, oh yes, I will, once I have digested it in full (probably after watching it a couple more times). As I said to fingers in the immediate aftermath, "I won't be able to talk about this for a while," and that still stands. Too much emotion, too much to assimilate.

But IMO, it was good. Let no one tell me otherwise, because my squee will not be harshed :-)

I have seen the new year in with my children and some of my very best friends, so it has been an auspicious start to the new decade. The very fine bottle of Bollinger continues not to hurt :-)

Very best wishes to all of you who read my stories, trials, rants and tribulations in this journal. Much love and luck to you all ♥

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I have been working on my fic journal all afternoon, for the first time in ages. As a result I have posted four slash stories there which were previously posted at sentinel_thurs, but which I never got around to putting on my own page before now. You have probably seen them before if you hang out on sentinel_thurs but, if you're interested in checking them out, you can find them on the main page of my fic journal. Look for the stories with New! in red beside them. Two of them are of the uber angst variety, and two are part of the Fanfic Hospital series.

I tried to post a notification about the new stories in my fic journal itself, but hit technical snags due to the backdating of some prior entries. As far as I can see I'm doing it right, having ticked the relevant backdated entry box everywhere I should have done, but LJ is being obstinate and won't let me post in real time! Argh, annoying.

I got a lovely email earlier from janedavitt to tell me I won an LMFA for Staying Present in the slash Hurt/Comfort category, which is very nice to hear. Thank you so much to anyone who nominated and/or voted for my stories. I can't work out why you're not all sick of them by now, but I am very touched by the continued interest people show in what I have written ♥.

The best thing of all, though, is that the Fanfic Hospital series got an honorable mention in the humor category. Well done to all my evil collaborators on that - I am proud of you all and am shedding an emotional tear into my robust glass of red wine! \o/

Hm, that series has been idle too long, methinks. Why has no one written Fanfic Holidays yet, hm? ::eyes you all speculatively::

Dear Livejournal and fandom friends,

I have not been able to write a seasonal story this year, so have recorded a wee tune for you instead. I hope your midwinter celebration (or midsummer if you are down under!) is a fantastic one. Many good wishes to all of you and your loved ones, from the bottom of my heart ♥.

Love, Bev xxxxx

( Christmas vid under the cut )

Decimated: gillyp and I are on a big push to get this done. It currently stands at approx. 27,000 words, and is taking shape nicely. I did quite a bit on this myself today, and both of us are poised to do plenty more over the next few days, family commitments allowing.

The Night Terrors: Likewise moving on apace. Over the past few days I've written about 2000 words of detailed story notes which delineate the structure of the final chapters. Part the Third is up way over 47,000 words now, and the end is nigh.

The Night Terrors: Part the Third stands at 45,937 words, whilst the whole thing is 144,768 words. It is really rocking along now, with the big finale in sight. Then it's just time for the twist in the tail... mwahahahahaha!

Decimated: No word count as I haven't put my bits and Gilly's bits together yet (oo er, missis!) but just to say that the baton is currently with Gilly and she's writing up a storm. We've got a big push on right now to get it finished, and we're making good progress.

Breathing: Haven't worked on this for a while. It is currently shelved until the new year, as TNT and Decimated are my priority.

Other projects: I have a missing scene to write, and perhaps one or two other bits to finish off if the mood takes me.

After that I am absolutely going to write that novel I have been promising myself for the past 45 years that I would write. Oh dear, I seem to have made procrastination my life's work!

Due to circumstances unforeseen I didn't quite make my target at the weekend. However I am glad to say that there has been progress nevertheless, and as of today my totals are as follows:

Part the Third: 44,514 words

The whole story: 143,345 words

It is rocketing on towards the finish, or it would be if I had any time to spare! It's looking like Part the Third will be the longest part by a good margin (probably between 60 - 70k). I am extremely optimistic about it being done by the end of December :-)

I'm in the middle of inventing an ad hoc recipe, so I will document it here in real time for the curious (and also for posterity in case it turns out to actually taste good *g*). In effect, this is a recipe WIP! Or perhaps that makes it a RIP... nope, that just looks wrong!

ETA1: I put the casserole in the oven at 5.40 pm, and turned the heat down at 6.10. It is now 6.25 pm and it smells wonderful! I am resisting the urge to take the lid off and look at it for another half-an-hour at least.

ETA2: 8.00 pm: Had a stir and a taste - just lovely! Was lacking nothing more than a bit of extra sage at that point, so I shredded and added the rest. If dried sage was used initially there would be no need to add more, I think. Fresh herbs, though, need not to cook too long, hence the late, extra addition. I am guessing this will be ready to eat by 9.00, with no further adjustment, and have got some lovely fresh bread to serve with it (which I just need to pop in the oven to warm up about ten minutes before I am ready to eat)

Final ETA: 9.00 pm it was ready to eat. OMG, it was just gorgeous. I served it with warmed, locally made Italian blue cheese & dill bread, which was spread with kalamata olive tapenade.

In short, this recipe is highly recommended :-)

( Recipe under here )

Channel: CBS Action

Vow of Silence \o/

I'm starting out the weekend with the following word counts for The Night Terrors:

Part the Third: 42,127

Whole story: 140,979

I am aiming to reach at least 45,000 words on the final part by Sunday. Optimistically I'd like to get it a lot higher than that by then - 50k would be lovely! - but I've got a few other things planned between now and then so we'll see how it goes.

I'll not be able to post tomorrow (I will be otherwise occupied for the entire day and evening) but I wanted to mark the sixth anniversary of my first ever posted fanfic, so I'll do it today instead. It is rather apropos, in any case, as 27th November 2003 was actually Thanksgiving :-). My first story was I Can Be You Oo Oo, which I posted on the Sentinel Angst list whilst suffering copious angst of my own at having bared my arse aired my fantasies in public!

My anniversary is slightly more poignant for me this year as I am definitely in the winding-down phase of participation in the Sentinel fandom. It's a been a great few years, though, so thanks to everyone who's made it such fun!

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends. I hope you have a lovely time today :-)

My burst of inspiration continues. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story, but what a relief it will be to get it done!

Part the Third current total: 41,290

Whole story current total: 140,121

Another 15 - 20k to go, I think, but I am very much on the home straight. After it's finished there will be an extended period of proof reading and editing, but I am hopeful that this will be ready to post within a month.

Current word count of Part the Third: 39,181.

Current word count of entire story: 138,205.

I am aiming to reach at least 40,000 words in Part the Third by the end of tonight. And I am cautiously optimistic that the story will be finished and posted before Christmas \o/

I'm having a quick burst of inspiration! I've done some work on Part 3 of The Night Terrors over the weekend, as well as a bit today during my lunch break and since I arrived home, which takes my current word count up to 36,115 (an increase of around 3000 words). There's probably about another 20 - 25K to go.

The entire trilogy currently stands at 134,455 words.

It's good to be back on track, although given my current commitments I can't promise it will stay that way. The spirit is willing, though! :-)

OMG awesome.

That is all.

::dumbstruck::

So, who (apart from me and mine) is going to be glued to the telly at 7.00, then?

:-)

I've been busy this weekend. I don't know when I'll get another chance, so I made the most of it!

Decimated: 2008 words

The Night Terrors: 904 words

Breathing: thorough edit throughout, plus about 400 new words added of combined story/notes

It feels good to be a little closer to completion on all of these :-)

Now I need to get on with preparing food and finishing all my jobs around the house, because at 7.00 on the dot my family and I will totally make like the Simpsons and land simultanously together on the couch. Waters of Mars time approaches! Woo hoo! I am so excited \o/

Of the good: The Sentinel is on Zone Thriller right now!

Of the bad: My reception of this channel is utter pants.

I thought I should post to say where we're up to with Decimated, the story I am writing with gillyp,for those of you who bid on it for Moonridge.

Despite our busy lives (and for both of us life has been hellishly busy of late, with no let-up in sight for the foreseeable future), Decimated is ongoing and is shaping up well. It's a very twisty-turny plot, which means we've spent a lot of time so far putting our story plan together, and the story itself currently stands at 17,000+ words. It's hard to say how long the finished product will be, but I anticipate it will be over 50k at the very least. As regards when it will be finished... well all I can say that we're doing our best to get it done even though it's very hard to fit writing into our lives at present. So I am asking for patience, and understanding, and in return we'll do our best to deliver when the time is right.

Routine for sentinel_thurs.

Beware, this is a sequel to Fathers' Day, and therefore a rather evil little ditty. Read at your own peril, and may the angst be with you!

::is all cheered up and shit:: :-D

I just posted a short little story to sentinel_thurs, my first in that community for a very long time. I warn you, it is most definitely not a barrel of laughs!

Father's Day

Writing angst makes me happy. What can I say, I'm twisted :-)

Huge congrats to everyone on my flist who have been nominated for the LMFAs. Honestly, given the amount of fabulous stories and writers in this fandom (both past and present), just getting that far is a huge honour. Many someones found you/your story enjoyable and memorable enough to get you on the ballot. This, my friends, is a wonderful thing, and well deserved in every case. I am so pleased for and proud of all of you!

Surfing around friends/friends, I see that there are a considerable number of names I am unfamiliar with who have also received nominations and gosh, I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. I love to see new blood in the fandom like whoa. Gimme gimme new fics to read! I can't wait to see the final ballot go up so I can get stuck in! \o/.

Thank you also to all the kind people who nominated me, but most of all thank you to the tireless committee who by and large have a pretty thankless task when it comes to creating the great buzz in the fandom which comes with these awards. Each and every one of you, dear committee, have my vote every time in the Classy Broads category. May you continue to be made of win each and every year :-)

Alice just posted this on Facebook:

DESSART, Helen Frances(née Elliott)
1950-2009
After a short and courageous battle with cancer, on August 25th, 2009.
Beloved wife and best friend of Jacques Dessart. Loving mother of James (Sophie), Alice (Andrew) and adoring grandmother of Benjamin. Beloved sister to George (Linda) and Judy. An adored aunt to Elizabeth (Petri), Katie, Matthew and Michel. She will be sadly missed by so many other family members and friends.
The family will receive condolences at:
Urgel Bourgie funeral complex
8145 chemin de Chambly, St-Hubert
(autoroute 30, exit 115)
Wednesday from 2-5 & 7-9 pm. A funeral service will be held at Richelieu Valley United Church, 221 Cedar street, Beloeil, on Thursday, August 27th 2009 at 11 am.
In lieu of flowers, donations to Honoré Mercier Hospital, Oncology department, would be greatly appreciated.

ETA: There's a link to the Honoré Mercier donation page here. There's a phone number and an e-mail address at the bottom of the page.

Thank you for finding it, lamardeuse ♥ xx

I just found out, via her daughter Alice on Facebook, that our own lovely Helen betagoddess lost her battle with cancer this morning. She's gone.

I'm so sad I don't even know what to say :-(

I am working on The Night Terrors today. The best part is that I have, for a while, been unsatisfied with a particular plot point in part 3, which was failing to make logical sense and had therefore brought me screeching to a halt until I sorted it out. I have finally, after a lot of thought, managed to re-jig it and make it work. Eureka! Which means I am now free to move on and write some new sections.

Part 3 current word count: 31,499

Let's see how much more I can get done today!

ETA: 33,851.

Well it's not a huge amount, as daily word counts go, but I have to say it is very significant as I am now very much on track to get it finished. Still quite a way to go, but I am absolutely certain of exactly how it's going to get there. I'm envisaging maybe another 20 - 25,000 words. I'll try to keep it up during the week now I've found some room for it in my headspace :-)

Maybe everyone knew about this eons ago, and this is therefore old news, but it certainly passed me by. I'm posting it here for the sake of those of you (like me) who've never heard of it.

I was surfing Garett's IMdB profile and found mention of a five minute short film he was in in 2005 called Off the Hook. By dint of some creative googling I managed to find it on YouTube - squee!

( Embedded vid under the cut )

Richard Hammond has been involved in another crash.

Apparently he was not harmed, thank goodness.

This bit of the report tickled the slasher in me, though:

An eyewitness told the Mail on Sunday: "Richard was at the back of the line and he received no damage to his rear end but the front was in a pretty bad way.

Oh dear... ::hides face in shame::

My older son and I experimented with cooking last night, and the result was very yummy indeed. Recipe here for posterity:

( Lamb leg steaks with lemon, honey, thyme and garlic gravy )

I have been madly surfing around YouTube tonight, mainly looking for Mike Oldfield stuff. I found this, and now I am offically dead. Two of my BIGGEST EVER fannish loves collide!

I just wrote a long rant and deleted it, because it would serve no useful purpose other than allowing me to vent whilst upsetting some of you in the process. But OMG, fandom! So, so wanky. Wanky like a great big wanky thing. Plz to be wanking far away from me, thank you very much, and in the meantime I will endeavor not to draw the wank to myself by unwisely inviting it in posts like the one I just deleted.

::sensibly declares wank-free zone::

Let's change the subject. How about you tell me something nice? What have you all been up to this weekend? Myself, I am having cozy family time with my kids. Off out later to mooch around town with friends and drink loads of coffee (which I need desperately because my coffee grinder is broken - argh! - and which is possibly one reason I am a little ranty *g*). What about all of you? Hope you're having a good one ♥.

I thought those of my friends who visited me last year during GMOH, and who came with me on a day trip to Morecambe to visit Eric Morecambe's statue (and yes, we sang Give me Sunshine whilst we were there *g*), might be interested in this:

Art deco buildings opposite Eric Morecambe's statue get £1 million for facelift

Decimated: This is the story I'm writing for Moonridge 2009 along with Panik aka gillyp. It's rocking on apace, up to 14,000 words and we're on a massive roll at the moment. I've just handed back the baton to Gilly after a good weekend of writing/plotting. Feeling really good about how it's all coming together.

The Night Terrors: I did a small bit of actual writing, and a lot of thinking/planning the structure of the last section. I hope to try to keep the momentum going this week and move it on to the big finish. Part 3 is up over 35,000 words as it stands.

Breathing: Nothing much done on this, but I will probably write a bit more when I get a minute. It's my guilty pleasure fic, purely for recreation, so I'm not pushing it at all. It'll get written when I feel like it, and finished if and when I ever get there.

Other stuff: My original novel, an outstanding missing scene for Moonridge 2008 plus other bits and bobs I have lying around in notebooks which I need to type up and finish off before they get lost forever in the murky depths of my house - no progress, I'm afraid. Not enough hours in the day!

I've got seven Dreamwidth invite codes to give away to whoever wants them, on my flist or off. If you don't need one yourself but you know someone who does, please point them over here.

If you'd like one, just drop me a line in this post, telling me your email address. First come first served.

I'm popping out for a while now, so will send them out in the evening, my time :-)

In this edition, I get to grips with that oft-discussed hoary old chestnut, self-promotion.

( The answers are here... )